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Category: Great Emails

A brief essay brought to you by Brian Kelly

I regularly fight people who call me a politician. I am not a politician. When most people think of a politician they mean a person with few values other than greed, narcissism, and a me-first attitude.

A a formal definition of the word politician in this light is as follows:    "A person who acts in a manipulative and devious way, typically to gain advancement within an organization."  I have another definition of my own: "A politician is a person who once elected, decides to go for a second term."

There is a respectable definition and I cannot deny that under this definition, I do qualify as I have been a candidate for public office several times. Here goes:

"A person who is professionally involved in politics, especially as a holder of or a candidate for an elected office."

Synonyms for this definition are as follows: "legislator, elected official, statesman, stateswoman, public servant."

My sincere hope is that by my taking a shot at an elected office, I can better help my city, state, and country. Last time I checked, things are not going too well for we the people, and it would be nice if all of us paid a little more attention to candidates to help assure that we get the best people to steer our government we.. In other words, elected officials should work to help the people rather than serve their political greed.

In that light, here are some very funny but too true humorous definitions of the word politician by some people you probably know or at least once heard about. This list surely is too true and it can be a lot longer:

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If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
~Jay Leno~
 
The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
~Henry Cate, VII~
 
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office
~Aesop~
 
 If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven.
~Will Rogers~
 
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
~Nikita Khrushchev~
 
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
~Clarence Darrow~
 
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
~John Quinton~
 
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
~Author unknown~
 
 Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
~Oscar Ameringer~
 
I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.
~Adlai Stevenson, 1952
 
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~ Tex Guinan~
 
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle~
 
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
~Doug Larson~